"How can it be so cold in here? It's like Greenland in here. We've got to get some booze. It's the only solution to this intense cold. Something's got to be done. We can't go on like this! I'm a trained actor, reduced to the status of a bum! I mean, look at us! Nothing that reasonable members of society demand as their rights! No fridges, no televisions, no phones."

Hahahahahahahaha! Never have the words of Withnail, true hero of our times, seemed more appropriate and relevant to the life of Jessica....

So this morning I was scraping ice off the INSIDE of my boaty windows. Then I had a shower. This was such a hideous experience that I am ashamed to say it made me cry like a puppy being tortured.

How am I gonna be like Sarah Connor if a little bit of ice makes me cry? What will I do on Z day….snivel and beg the New Breeds for mercy and a warm towel? I better toughen up, and quick.

Last night, Tyler invited me to Iraq. That should do it. He said we could shoot an AK47. Turtle doesn't think I'll go but I might just....

This is a picture of a man called Warra, a stranger, smoking out of our duck hatch on a Sunday morning.

Me and Turtle are both in love with him and I am sure you can see why. He turned up in the pouring rain about 9am, the morning after decom like a mini Chris Rock whirlwind and created the best carry-on EVER with his supplies of naughty medicine, thirst for whisky and continual diatribe of jokes about his Aunties in Soweto.

Doing poppers with this guy was like no experience I have ever had before. In fact, if I had not seen this picture on Facebook, I would not be sure that he really exists...