This week I have been mostly learning how to Hula-Hula with Helsy, who has developed a new and alarming side to her character where she becomes a crazy fitness instructor. This has been brought on by the fact she is doing a nude photo shoot tomorrow so she has spent the week trying to change her body shape (completely uneccessary actually) by exercising to 90s music videos in the snug whilst shouting random things like "GAY STARJUMPS" at me and Boo . We have named these homely exercise classes "The Road to Hels". Needless to say we all have aching muscles and are a bit jittery, except for Lorny who is still too loved up to exercise.

I went baby swimming with Luce and Grace at York Hall on Wednesday which was very cute indeed. Grace has said her first word - Daddy. She also gave me my first hug when we got home which was so lovely, I welled up. Me and Luce had an illicit lunchtime liqueur coffee at a pub in Bethnal Green after swimming and then went for a walk by the canal where we saw a half rotten dead eel.

We all went to a Def Jam launch party last night in Shoreditch. My word, what a lot of Shoreditch Twats there were! We had fun though and danced lots cos the music was quite good. A glass of white wine was £4.40. I nearly choked at this, but it didn't stop me buying four.

The news of the week has to be that I have been accepted as a worker for Burning Man 2005. I had a very nice couple of emails from some people called Babalou and Termerah offering me the opportunity to work in the Artists and Installations dept. Yee-Hah!!!!!! Am going to live in the desert!!!!!! How exciting.

Right, better go as I have a concert to run.

Weekend was pretty shit. Everything is shit. Am in pain and am very angry. Hate everything and everyone. Slept for 13 hours last night and still couldn't get up this morning. Darkness, darkness all around........ahem.

This morning I only ate half a sugar mouse for breakfast. Apparently ,I am worth $2,029,858.00 on HumanForSale.com V v tired.

The Fun Starts Again………

I decided that this year I would start having fun again and sort the work/life balance out. I am pleased to say that my plans seem to be working.

This weekend, I woke up on Saturday morning to find not one but four men in the snug, who had been dragged home from Bedrock by Carla Parr. Just like the old days…Yay! Helsy immediately got overexcited and left the breakfast table in order to parade around the snug with her (small) towel draped precariously around her gazelle-like limbs. I left for work at that point.

Saturday night saw us in Infinity in Mayfair, getting told off by the bouncers for dancing on the tables. Again, just like the old days. What jolly good fun.

On Sunday it was Chris Killerby’s birthday so Boo & I went for sushi with Chris Killerby, Richie, S & M Chris, Matthew and lots of other gay boys. It was very nice for me and Boo to be honorary fag-hags again. We then had Mojitos in Bar 38, went to surprise Shaz at the NPG and went home where we had 6 guests over for Sunday dinner, cooked by Lorny. A very nice day of friendship & love indeed.

Last night me and Shaz had a date. We went to Pizza Express (generic & overpriced as usual) and then went to see the Aviator for free. I enjoyed the film very much and even got over my hatred of little Leo as he is a fine actor when puts his mind to it.

Tonight me, Helsy & Lorny are going to Spitkingdom at Herbal which is Killa Kela’s very own clubnight. I am going to fill my hipflask full of whisky and dance all night long.

Just had lunch with Courtney who is very hungover as he went out last night to Dirty Pretty Things at Infinity and made friends with Carlos Barat & Alan McGee who bought him lots of whisky. We are so going to go next week and check it out. Woo-Hoo!!!! Let the good times roll!!

So. Have just had 5 days off work, hooray!! Here is what I did with them -

Ate quite a lot of delicious food. (Have discovered a brilliant cafe just round the corner from us which does delicious meals for a fiver and is also Halal which means that me & the boyfriend can go too)

Cooked some delicious food. Prawn noodle soup. Mmmmm.

Went to see Matthew Bourne's Swan Lake, with my mum. It was utterly amazing and I couldn't stop crying for quite a long time aferwards, in fact not until I was distracted by food.

Tried to sort out some family feuds that we're having at the moment.

Slept.

Went to see a band called Perico at Cargo for Ali G's birthday. They had a very interesting sound and were really tight given the variety of instruments involved, check out the website.

Drank a lot of whisky at the Perico gig, but this has nothing to do with my opinion of them, they really are quite good.

Watched Mental Suburban Housewives on C4 or whatever it's called. This is also quite good.

Watched the hilarious Peepshow also on C4.

Went for a Turkish bath with Helen & Boo for some girls time. Is very nice & liberating to be around lots of naked women gossiping in the steam.

Got drunk and discussed religion - conclusion; all very confusing.

Got drunk and discussed men - conclusion; all very bad & useless. (See Hareem idea below, reaction to this fact.)

Got drunk and discussed childhoods - conclusion; difficult but character building

Got drunk and taught my mum hip-hop moves with Helen in our kitchen

Read Louis De Bernieres "The War over Don Emmanuels Nether Regions". Very good book, dense, complex, educational and riveting. Not the sort of book you can read when drunk.

Hoovered the stairs

Twisted my ankle leaping over a puddle in my stilletoes

Made friends with a tramp at Old St petrol station who was syphoning petrol with the aid of a bicycle pump and claiming that he used to be a rock star.

Played with Baby Grace (four teeth now!) and chatted to Lucy.

So that's what I've been doing. Decided that we (Me & Helen) would start a social experiment in the form of a Hareem rather than getting married off. Lorny & Boo have since elected to join although Lorny's boyfriend was definitely not keen on the idea.Mum to be Hareem Mama helping out with the babies. Male leader of Hareem to be all the following:

Rich
Clever
Attractive
Creative (Last three essential for good genes)
Owner of large country property
Quite silly/shallow/cheesy, therefore giving Hareem members no opportunity to fall in love with him
Comfortable with Hareem idea (obviously)
Friendless, therefore unable to "hire out" Hareem members to friends

I think the Hareem idea is great and could definitely be the way forward. I would certainly hate to give up my warm, close network of female friends and exchange it for a relationship with a man where we got on each other's nerves constantly. However much you say you're going to stay in touch with your mates when you settle down with a man, it just isn't the same as living with them.With the Hareem you can still live with the girls and have all that fun and simply use the man for sexual gratification and baby making. The only thing is, no-one could fall in love with the Hareem leader as that would spoil the dynamic.

Apart from that, I've been surfing the net in search of old music. Anyone reading this who knows of any MJ-12 CD recordings please let me know in the comments box as I can't find them anywhere for love nor money and their website is down.

Anyway better go now as I'm getting cold typing. Brrr.

I am so tired today. This is unsurprising as the festive season was, for me, utterly exhausting. That’s what comes of working in a venue I suppose. Highlights of the Christmas madness include:

The music rehearsal room being broken into during the second half of “Messiah”, ensuring that my colleagues & I had to try and stop 60 angry musicians from entering after the concert. One of these elected himself as ringleader of the music rebels and informed us loudly and repeatedly that he was ex-Scotland Yard and following police orders was “a waste of time.” I did indeed let them in after about half an hour of this, only to find that when the police turned up they couldn’t care less if people had entered or not. Chuh. We live and learn.

Finding that the South Gallery ceiling had collapsed and the fire exit was blocked by plaster & rubble 20 minutes before we were due to open the doors for a sell-out New Year’s Day concert. It was lucky that Helsy was working for me that day. She swept up all the plaster like a whirling dervish whilst singing “Chim Chimeney, Chim Chimeney ,Chim Chim Cheroo” and we were able to open on time.

Last but certainly not least, I have a strange memory of my Wonderful Boss suddenly going mad around December the 20th and standing in the middle of the office singing carols in German with this odd, superfast voice, as if she had inhaled Helium. As I tried to ignore it and carry on typing, I knew then that there would be tears before the season was over…. And there were.

This year I am having three birthdays, lucky ol’ me!
Birthday No 1……..
………..was absolutely fantastic. It began with a meal in Chinatown on New Year’s Day which went on over the midnight hour, therefore becoming a birthday meal. I was with a few close friends & colleagues, one of whom insisted on paying for me and Shaz too as a birthday treat. What a lovely guy. Before the meal Shaz took me on the Waltzers in Leicester Square which was so fun. I love the Waltzers. When I got up later that day (still my real birthday) Boudicca had made me a delicious carrot cake with homemade cream cheese topping. She is so clever. Me and all the house rats packed up the cake and took it to the Southbank where we met Richie, Lucy, Kevver & Baby Grace. We (well me Helen & Richie) then queued for an hour & a half to go on the snowslide which was well worth the wait. By the time we got on there we had made so many friends that the whole queue cheered us going down. Also we both “got air” which Helsy tells me is an extreme sporting phrase which means you fly up in the air before landing on something. The we were all cold, particularly those who had waited all that time for me to have my very grown-up birthday wish of going on a kid’s outdoor attraction, so we went for a delicious whiskey in a nearby tavern. The whiskey induced us to sing lots of showtunes all along the Southbank. After that we went to the Stockpot for dinner where Chris Killerby & Matthew were waiting with gifts for me, me, me! It was very sweet of them to ride all the way into town on their bike for my birthday. Then we went to the cinema to watch Bridget Jones, which was utter shite but there you go. I enjoyed it. I also enjoyed haranguing the impertinent cinema staff afterwards because they couldn’t find/didn’t care to look for my bag, which I thought I had left in the toilets. However, I had forgotten that Boo took it home earlier for me.

Birthday No 2…………..
…………….was absolutely fantastic. It was yesterday. Shaz arranged for me to have a full body massage. Then he took me shopping and bought me whatever I wanted. Wow. Then he took me for dinner at this lovely little Morrocan place in Soho. It was amazing. Unfortunately I lost my ring (birthday present from Shaz) down the plughole on the ladies and the restaurant man had to undo the U-bend and retrieve for me. Needless to say I left a very big tip.

Birthday No 3…………..
…………..is yet to come. Mum is coming down and we are going to see Matthew Bourne’s Swan Lake amongst other things.

I am so so lucky.
Anyway I better go, am late for the concert.

We have so far raised £2016.88 at work for the victims of the Tsunami, am utterly overwhelmed by how much people are giving.

I have decided to start blogging again. My mate Fuad reminded me about my blog & I had a little read and decided that it’s actually quite interesting. I stopped well over a year ago for this simple reason – I fell in love. (With my “mate” Shaz actually who is mentioned in the entry for 5 April 2003) As I was so in love, I thought it would be better not to inflict people with loved-up ramblings, or accounts of how my boyfriend and me stayed in every night and watched DVDs, or worse still, rants about him after we’d had a fight.

Anyway, I digress. I am still in love but would like to resume my blog as I have realised that life doesn’t stop just because you get a boyfriend and I will try not to be boring.

Obviously the first thing on my mind is the Tsunami. Since Boxing Day it’s all been quite unreal and hard to comprehend. I won’t go on too much as I know everyone feels the same. The overwhelming public response shows this and is, perhaps, one good thing (if that’s possible) to come out of it all. We are currently on over £60 million for the UK alone, which has shamed the Government into pledging an “uncapped amount” (Jack Straw, today’s Metro) whereas before they pledged just £50 million. We are doing what we can at work and have raised a nice amount as well as the personal donations. It seems like everyone that I speak to has given what they can. That raises my spirits a little.

The last year has been quite strange for me & my group of mates. We moved out of our squat and into a Georgian mansion on the Mile End road. It seemed like the dream home but wasn’t really. The house next door to it burnt down and our house got all smoke damaged and sooty. We were also all homeless throughout October as we handed in notice to the Mansion landlord without really thinking it through. Whoops. If it wasn’t for our dear dear friend Carla who let us all live with her in her 2 bed flat we would have probably been at Crisis @ Christmas (homeless project) now.

We found the perfect little house though, and are now all very happy. It has 70s style birds of paradise murals, a Jackson Pollockesque bathroom & a pink and green “snug” living area in the basement. We threw the most amazing housewarming party ever, which went on till 9am with everyone dancing downstairs in the snug/disco. We indiscriminately invited all our friends and colleagues which just about worked, with no fighting if you discount a tranny brandishing a three foot cast iron candle holder at someone. The next one is an anti-Valentine’s day (massacre) party and I can’t wait.

Anyway, enough waffle. I’m just going to write a run down of important events in 2004 from the life of Jessie J.

• Ellie (Captain Egg from past blogs) got married and has just bought a house in Cheltenham.
• Lucy (also in past blogs) had a baby and moved in with kevver.
• I reached my 6 month and 1 Year anniversary with only three break-ups in between! Wo-Hoo!
• I got promoted, lots
• My brother got engaged and has recently become unengaged
• My mum retired to become a Yoga teacher, she’s making spiritual leaps and bounds and is as thin as me.
• Lorny (mad friend from past blogs) got an 18 year old boyfriend
• Carla (also mad friend) got an 18 year old boyfriend
• I got drunk and bit one of my staff members on the hand because he beat me at thumb wars. V bad management.
  
  So you see, apart from the odd biting incident, we are all settling down pretty much. How I long for the wild days……..
  
  
  
  
  My hot or not list – December 2004
  
  Hot
• Jeans tucked into boots, wrong but good.
• I heart Huckabees
• Drinking heavily on a Monday night and then going to a gay club
• Snow on Christmas morning. (How amazing is that!!!!? I nearly peed my pants in excitement)
• Camden Market – Strangely, it’s actually got some cool stuff again.
• The real meaning of Christmas
• Purple Taffeta curtains, mmmmm.
• Snoop Dogg & Pharrell Williams – Drop it like it’s Hot.
• Seeds
• Making truffles at home
• Russian tea Rooms in Primrose Hill
  
  Not
  
• ebay – the secret is out and the townies have taken over. “Vintage boots, so Kate, so Sienna……so fucking expensive”
• Family break-ups
• Headaches & Nausea on a Tuesday after aforementioned activities
• Going into central London on New Years Eve
• Being cold at work.
• Boutiques in Primrose Hill. I simply cannot believe that anyone would spend that much on a hot water bottle cover.
• The Obvious