After consuming three pints of stella, four plates of eat all you can Chinese and two banana fritters last night I have decided that monosodium glutamate is the root cause of all evil in the world.

It was good at the time though and somewhere in the MSG induced fug, Richie Roo agreed to give me away in Vegas.

I waddled home happy as a lamb and found the rats to be stoned as rats and giggly as hell.

We all piled into Helen’s bed and strange discussions followed, sparked off by my comment: “If your arse was a footballer’s face, which one would it be?”

I love stoned people.