So time ticks on & rats move on..... Huge changes are occurring in our little friendship group, which was so comfortingly static for a few years..... The earthworm burrows and the butterfly feeds. (Yes husband I’m plagiarising you but at least you get a credit.)

As the winter draws in Turtle and I are taking up every invitation we get to gallery openings, shows, album launch parties and the like. Anything, in fact, which offers free vino, free entry and a chance to consume. Milking London for everything the bitch has to offer, whilst mocking our situation & ourselves and saying to each other “How very London......”

Of course it’s all about balance, so we temper this wanky, culture vampire behaviour by hanging out in our local, The Wentworth Arms, and getting smashed with bean faced cockneys called Chrissie, listening to them reminisce about Thai cockfighting (“It’s ok because they don’t make them wear spurs, it’s a family event”), bare-knuckle boxing with the gypsies and the splendours of Luxor.

Turtle is working with a bunch of gay hacks and becomes more camp by the day, although he of course denies this vigorously. He got his first front cover interview published on Thursday, namely an interview with McFly, where he coerced details of their cock size out of them in an east end studio. I am most proud indeed.


Tick tock.....