Yay! Helsy's back from Egypt! She stayed in a place where there was only mountains and desert *sigh*. She also made friends with a bedouin and drank tea in his tent. He told her that she was a camel (this is wrong as I know that she is an ostrich, that is obvious to any fucker) and that he was a puma. Never trust a person with a self professed sexy totem animal.

I am bored in the box office at the moment and can't be arsed to write any more narrative about my life, so here are some fragments in the form of quotes.....

"I said smack not spack" - Yours truly providing motivation during Pete Doherty inspired photo shoot

"Come over. I've got a gun and I'll rub my camel vapours on your horny thighs" - Hels to prospective new boyfriend.

"I'm going to hit you." - WankManager to me during shift.

" I bleed liquid gold and slur speech in a cryptic code, my feet slipping on this twisted road, only the mystic knows the lone figure in the distance "- The urban poet himself.

"Fuck you Corduroy! You might have the fuckin acid jazz intellectual fuckin conversation and the fuckin groupies but I've just nicked all your beer." - Matt from Wales

"There's a fine line between sanity and insanity and I snorted it in 1969." - Kinky Friedman

"Tell Lorna I want my fucking hanky back, it belongs to my dead girlfriend." - Little Chris in Bedrock on Friday night.

"Make your mind blank, wank in your fishtank." Skrimshank (Can't stop playing it, funny as fuck, as good as the Streets easy)

"I'm off to pour petrol around the fire exits" Tonight's Duty Manager at the theatre.

"I'm going to go as a shit bat" Richie on costuming for Halloween.

"Are you still in bed you dirty fucking slut?" Michael to me on phone.

"If you look at the shiny tiles you can see right into the toilet cubicle" - A colleague.

Thats enough quotage for one day...