I got the job motherfuckers! Hoorah! This means I will once again be working with artists and the like. Also, as it is only a six month project management contract I can fuck off come spring time without feeling guilty. I knew it was in the bag when the "second interview" consisted of prospective bosses taking me out for chocolate cake.

Quite excited by that, and the fact that I am going to Banksy's new exhibition this weekend. He's started working in oil and I can't wait to see the results. However, he's also started breeding rats especially for this show, the idea being that punters will have to negotiate a floor teeming with the little fuckers to get to the paintings. The mother creature is not that happy with the plan as she's worried she might scream, but the girls are as excited as I am. I think it'll be funny.

Going gay speed-dating tonight with Richie. His chances of pulling are zilch as there's nothing more off-putting than a sniggering fag-hag hovering about. Should be fun though and possibly free drinks will be given.

I know I said I wouldn't but am fucking skint : Worked as a waitress at a corporate event in Slough last night. It was ok actually. The twat of a manager only shouted at me three times (think David Brent with a vicious streak - awful) and no punters pinched my arse. Tough on the feet though. Think I will carry on with that till my new job starts, but not doing any Bunny Girl crap.

Right, better go. Am going to do something worthwhile today like go to Lidls. Hmmm.

NB, Please note I have made no mention of parks, joggers, pigeons, ducks or indeed Damon Albarn in this entry.