Just spoke to Festival Rich on the phone. Gave him some inspiration and ideas from the Burn and to say thank you he is treating me to champagne tomorrow night at Robin's party down Brick Lane. Yay!

Haven't seen them lot since the ephedrine & amyl fuelled days of the early summer festies. Bleugh. Makes me heave just thinking about it. Getting paid to dance on a chair in a field is a great idea in theory but fucking hard work in practice.

Rich is gutted that me and Hels are not gonna be around next season but I think Guatemala will be much better for our overall health...

I have just checked back on my blog and June-August has one entry describing the first festival of the season. After that I was clearly too fucked to write anything at all. So here are some highlights from last season which I will never repeat (honest guv):

Lying in a tent at dawn, trying to calm an irregular, racing heartbeat, listening to 300 angry scots storm the main arena fence and smash up the lighting rigs whilst wondering vaguely if I should go and protect the stock. I love the scots.

Gatecrashing an after hours rave run by the festival mafia, grabbing the mic off the MC and proclaiming over the sound system that he is "shit as fuck" and "wearing a tea towel". He was too.

Doing a 20 hour shift with no breaks whatsoever in a victorian corset. Owch.

Getting flooded at 5am, abandoning tent and spending the morning with the New Age Travellers, learning how to weld after much whisky. Loved it.

Falling asleep standing up in the Lost Vagueness whisky bar.

Doing ten MADAs and four Yellow Cabs in 5 hours. Gross. Carla Parr I blame you for that one.

Falling in love with festival Dave whilst on e and scaring him so much he didn't speak to me for the rest of the season.

Standing on my own, knee deep in mud, cold & wet watching the White Stripes and crying thinking everyone else was having fun when in fact they were all standing on their own, knee deep in mud, cold and wet & having a shit time.

Pulling the little brother of a major celebrity (I didn't know until after) and taking their virginity(I did have an idea).

Freaking out e-tarded punters by speaking a special and nonsensical language when we wanted them all to fuck off. One of them actually cried.

Just one word - Balloons.

Ugh.

Yes, Guatemala is a much safer option.