How amazing is the NHS? Cheap drugs (£6.00 prescription for antibiotics), a swift and accurate diagnosis and some dirty jokes with a Jamaican nurse – all in under an hour with no prior appointment.

Fuck the Daily Mail readers – I’m proud of our welfare system and yes, it’s failing, but at least we’ve got one.

NB – current illness and subsequent miraculous relief of symptoms after consumption of antibiotics has set off a whole new paranoid train of thought regarding the forthcoming zombie apocalypse. I used to always imagine the first stop for looting would be a supermarket, but have now realised this is a flawed strategy. We should go straight down the Whitechapel Walk-in centre and stock up with basic but essential drugs first. Or risk dying of a bladder infection eight months down the line.