I really don’t believe the extent of my naughtiness sometimes…..Honestly. Last time I wrote, Mum was coming to stay and I was hoping for a nice civilised weekend where I wouldn’t (and I quote here) “ end up in a smoky sweaty club by accident.” Well I didn’t. But I did end up in a smoky sweaty after hours drinking hole filled with scary townies in Ben Sherman shirts sucking on lollies cos they were e’d off their stupid faces. Once there I tried to make the most of it by introducing my mum to the delights of tequila slammers. (Possibly hoping that the tequila would dim the pain of the shite music they were playing.) The tequila was definitely a BAD idea in hindsight……..

At first my actions were relatively minor, like laughing loudly and nastily in people’s faces and going up to the DJ and shouting “WHY WON’T YOU PLAY ANY HIP-HOP?” every five minutes. But soon I found myself in the toilets snogging a lesbian and actually quite enjoying it. That is, until my mum walked in on us.

Oooooh that was such a bad moment.

Can’t believe I managed to come out to myself AND my mum in the same instant. Although actually I haven’t so much come out as jumped headfirst back IN to the closet. You see, although I can clearly remember enjoying it at the time, I can only feel disgust when I think about it now. It is either because…..


She was a bit minging (I think she might have been.)

I was just pissed (Certainly true, but when am I not??)

I am homophobic (I can’t be can I? I’m a committed Fag Hag)

I just like snogging people(Possibly the answer. There were no feathercuts in there remember, and I’d rather snog a dyke than a townie)


Ah well, I’m sure I’ll figure it out sooner or later. I have had quite a civilised weekend though, apart from that little glitch. I went to see the Anish Kapoor piece at Tate Modern, which totally blew me away. It is just such a stunning piece, so visceral and alive. I hardly ever react to visual art like that, so it was a bit of a treat. Then we went to the matinee of Mum’s the Word at the Albery. (Very fitting I know). That is a really quite touching show, and also very funny. Jenny Éclair was fantastic. Actually they all were. It was a really strong cast. I had to go to work after that, but Mum came and sat in for the performance so that was ok.

Tonight I’m going to meet the girls for delicious Waggamamma’s dinner and then we’re going to a comedy night at Moonlighting in Soho. Shaz, Fuad and Dave are coming too and it’ll be nice for them to meet the girls properly. Me and Lorny are hoping that Noel Fielding, that God of Feathercut stand up will be performing. It’s a special night where established comics just turn up and perform new material. This means it will either be really shit or very special. (Or just especially shit). Should be fun though.

Then on Wednesday we’ve got Kila Kella and Public Enemy and then Candybox. And on Friday we’re going to see the Faint and then on to Bedrock. Ooooo it’s gonna be the best week EVER. I love life…………..