The following is a direct transcript of Helsy's text last night -

"I'm there, I'm yankeedd and I'm still the only white person in Brix too toe dance in a hip hop bible and make a tyc of her reje. CU in five love xxxxxxxx"

Needless to say, she never made it. We were at the Pleasure Unit watching a band who were generic, but had enough homoeroticism in their act to make them enjoyable.

It was Boudicca's Cardboard Citz leaving do and I had already been reduced to tears by Beulah's speech, which was horribly beautiful and very complimentary of Boo. So it was all worth it then Boody. The actual do itself was held at the City darts, a very fun pub run by Sandra's son-in-law. The clientele consisted of the following - Homeless and ex-homeless participants, east end gangsters and card sharks, mad chinese women & very butch dykes. Basically everyone who can't get in to Sandra's as they are too raucous/dribbly/dangerous. I liked it.

Today I am taking my nasty head out of the city to Epping Forest to see & smell the trees.

Then, tonight we are going to Oh My God I Miss You. It is an indie circus disco held in an old men's working club. We are going to go Burlesque. It will be lots of fun indeed.

Tomorrow it is gay day at London Zoo. There will be Drag Queens & monkeys. You get in for cheap if you're gay. The other day they were letting ginger people in free. I think they have employed an insane new marketing and development officer.

Ok, must leave now...