So I was just carrying 5 litres of Red Oxide primer, 10 litres of Ocean Deep gloss and 2 simulated mohair rollers through Soho, whimpering as I did so, and narrowly avoiding taking the heads off chinese toddlers (it was fucking well heavy) when my 1950s repro circle skirt blew over my head exposing my pants.

As my hands were otherwise engaged carrying 5 litres of Red Oxide primer and 10 litres of Ocean Deep gloss, I was unable to save my dignity. Whoever thought that living on a boat could be glamorous and practical was an imbecile and a buffoon.

Oh, that was me.