I have rather rashly decided to host my Dad’s 70th birthday Chez Turtle, which means that come Friday three generations of motley Josef crew will be winging their way down the M4 squashed in the back of my brother’s white van on top of an old mattress. How the boat will contain them all I don’t know but it will be fun finding out…
Minor problemette occurred last night when with a tank full of bleurgh we attempted to do a well overdue pump out, because frankly, the boat smells like Gastonbury and it is just not cricket when you have guests coming round.
So, after a quick glass of red wine, we untie the moorings and release XJ from her bonds. The grey hulking 12 and half tonne of steel that is our home starts to float out into the basin. I kick off the side and Turtle flicks the ignition and the engine is dead. *fuck*
After some rapid retying of ropes it took us three hours and the involvement of four neighbours to figure out that it was not the battery, starter motor or alternator but ONE fucking wire which had disconnected from the ignition. Well, honestly! How were we supposed to know? We’re Turtles, not mechanics….
Minor problemette occurred last night when with a tank full of bleurgh we attempted to do a well overdue pump out, because frankly, the boat smells like Gastonbury and it is just not cricket when you have guests coming round.
So, after a quick glass of red wine, we untie the moorings and release XJ from her bonds. The grey hulking 12 and half tonne of steel that is our home starts to float out into the basin. I kick off the side and Turtle flicks the ignition and the engine is dead. *fuck*
After some rapid retying of ropes it took us three hours and the involvement of four neighbours to figure out that it was not the battery, starter motor or alternator but ONE fucking wire which had disconnected from the ignition. Well, honestly! How were we supposed to know? We’re Turtles, not mechanics….
posted by Jessica at 9:03 AM
I only need pen and paper, and someone to write down my ideas
3 Comments:
ha ha ha, it will always be what you least expect. Even when you expect the least expected it is still the thing you least expect. Its part of the paradox of living in such a small space.
The physicaly laws controlling our universe are not the same in B-space, it is somehting about compressing so much living into a small space, it can't handle it and so certain laws become twisted. Small things are lost, big things go missing, you can never get the same measurement twice, etc.
Good luck with the hosting, it wont be that bad as you will alwyas have some out the front smoking, a couple wandering to the bathroom as they dont believe in using the toilet onboard and the rest will just mill about. For your sake I would cancel the line dancing, that would just spell disaster.
You mean there are things out there where CTRL - ALT - DELETE or a cobbled together construction of gaffer and cable ties won't work?
I don't know how I'll survive in the real world, I really don't!
Good luck hosting the family - I'll be thinking of you while I'm shouting at crew and lost children in a portacabin in Ealing.
Dougal you are right about everything apart from one thing - everyone was quite happy to use the toilet on board. In particular, Jess's little brother Wayne who heartily revealed to us that he had eight poos in one day on the boat! Now that is quite an image for a Monday morning isn't it? Isn't it?...
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