I am in love with Matt the Turtle in a way I didn't think possible. The whole thing is completely insane - cliches are relevant, nesting instincts are strong and perhaps, most shockingly, Westlife ballads make me well up and I like it. This is undoubtedly true love.

Hels has just complained that due to my new found love I have stopped writing weekly updates of her witty & intelligent remarks, so here is one she made whilst we were just in bed eating bacon and jam sandwiches and watching George Galloway sleep on celebrity big brother :

"There are no right or wrong roads, only different ones."

I have renamed her Dalai.