Can’t believe the extent to which my New Year’s resolutions have already been ruined. Both Friday and Saturday night were spent up until 4am drinking and smoking. Sunday I woke up about midday with the vilest head ever. After about half an hour of lying in my bed willing myself into an upright position, I decided I needed some attention from my flatmate Captain Egg. Her head was clearly in a similar state to mine, as her first words upon waking were: ‘Please, somebody, shoot me now…’ I really don’t know why we do it to ourselves. But the topic of broken New Year’s resolutions is both unoriginal and boring; so I’m not gonna dwell on it.

Me and Egg managed to sort ourselves out in the end anyway, with a delicious traditional Sunday curry in the local Biryani House and then video plus duvet on the sofa. This time tested remedy worked a treat until it was time to open the wine again.